終

2016最後一天該怎麽過怎麽慶祝？
打從一開始我一心已經預留給清馬了，誰叫我是該死的會長！對 該死的！
自從達提議過我們倆自己過，我也開始想盡辦法推掉清馬，但又礙于前一次的聖誕節我無法出席。。讓我覺得這個責任我逃脫不了了，無論如何，跨年就是要留給清馬了。

從一開始訂場地、訂餐、統計、安排節目，直到今天開始前我都覺得很順利！
結果，一進去控音室，發現一支麥克風沒電池，副會長沒有準備好電影，垃圾袋、冰塊。。。。。。一堆雜事交代過的都沒有做！！
在達花時間弄電影的那段時間，整個場面早就冷到不行了
後來，看了電影，我覺得好看，但大部分都沒有興趣，幸好大家之後都各自在聊天，場面好不容易緩和了下來
突然，有學弟問我說可不可以把電影砍掉
我其實真的很不爽
雖然還是答應了
好！他們已經説得好像準備到很好！很high！結果一出場整個場面更冷，越來越多人不告而別。。。。。
不要說大家感覺如何，身爲一個會長從頭到尾被雷然後看著大家離開，我心情真的很複雜，雖然我一直安慰自己說我并不care他們想怎樣。
到最后場複也是達在幫忙，達真的幫了我太多

我突然有感而發。。。。。。
我一直質疑自己到底接了這個職位意義何在？
看著一個什麽都沒做的前會長，就是很會喇塞，什麽鬼第一個就是問他，變得跟新生很好，聖誕節還有禮物收，還特地在今天回禮給每一個新生，説真的，這種動作我辦不到
我不是嫉妒
也不是難過
其實是心疼
看著一個個親手接來的新生，就像自己的孩子一樣
那種感覺就像親手把孩子送個別人一樣
真的痛
很痛
記得今天有跟達說到一句：能用錢買到的，我爲什麽要這樣折磨自己，做那麽多又沒人會說你的好
我是發自内心説出的一句話
我一直都瞭解，也知道這句話的意義
可是，是第一次感觸如此深
就以今天的氣氛來説，爲什麽氣氛很down，我真的可以就把氣氛帶起來。。。
but，我不想。
我的價值在哪？
我做那麽多到底是爲了什麽？
爲了你們還是我自己？
我大可以背負著不負責任的名義，把一切事情丟下不管，下學期什麽都不辦，把所有事情丟給幹部們，去做自己想做的很多事，更有意義的事。
我是你們的會長，我不是你們的工人、娛樂工具
接下這個職位，一開始就預期是累的，前提是你累得開心嗎？
我現在真的很累很累很累很累很累很累很累

我現在只想2017什麽都只跟我覺得跟我合拍的人一起做事、過每一個節日
對不起
我今天又沒有做到答應過達的事😫

累
晚安
2017/1/1

what makes you happy?

Did you fall in love? What was it like?

Yes, but mine was a bit different.

Unfortunately, she passed away. She died. That was a sad thing. She got sick. 

I'm gonna cry. 

No no no, don't. 

We have very good memories. And you live a lot of time, you live in your head with those memories. You can remember all the good things. And that's the important thing.

Half way watching a video which a boy and a man talk about life in this emotionless night. 

I felt the old man's word.. 

For this past Christmas, i should be really enjoyed myself.

But, turned out I felt hectic about my life.  

I'd rather believed that this is all about pms :(

  However, it's not. 

reports, exams, homework, plannings, parties.............. 

ugh..

I even break up in tears in class just because of bf saying some lil stuff

Silly me, i know.  

You don't to be rich to be happy.

Do the thing you like to make you feel good.

Because when you happy yourself, everybody else is happy. 

I decided make a throwback to this 2016 Christmas with my loved one.

Tbh, I was not too excited about Xmas this year. 

This is not the usual Jiun though,

Btw, bf did really surprised me in a bit. 

Somehow, I felt i was selfish for not being happy.

I was just too tired.....sob

But i was appreciating every little stuff he did for me, for real.

I always remembered he told me the one thing he like the most is my smile and to be happy!

This is also the simplest thing i could give him.

I tried to be happy. 

That's why I am here.

went for scholarship's ceremony

never attended this kind of ceremony since primary sch?haha

💓💓💓

i dont like cream and toffee. but i ordered it.

afterhours cafe

a bit overrated caramel sponge cake

after la la land. saya juga kisiao

silly jiun

silly bf

a normal one. hah!

😍

純屬無聊照

ended up with 老四川麻辣鍋

Bf went for some official meeting in Tpe today.
Our ori plan to go to Taichung to meet his friends was gone.
I was super duper extremely sad and emo.
When he should be arrived at sch that time when i told him i was hungry
He ask me to buy myself some food after class
i expected he will want to have dinner with me before he leave. damn.
I was actually very emo.
Class dismiss, I walked out from class and thinking whether go back to sleep or take dinner at 4pm straight.
And what i saw !!!!!!!!!
Bf was sitting outside with a box of food!!!!!!!!
😦😃😭😭
 really out of my expectation this time!!
Let me thought of my parents' feeling when i surprised them!
真的是傻掉
不知道該如何反應哈哈哈哈

Okay.
Hopefully i can wake up for class tomorrow!
And, more energetic tomorrow!
Brace myself with all these good things and memories.

 

special credit in uni

27th Oct 2016

Year 3 Sem 5

Officially, he confessed to me.  

The whole process speed up too quick. 

Upon meeting, we particularly entered our love bubble currently. 

I dare not to say I love him a lot, but I appreciated everything he did to me. 

I do felt touching from bottom of my heart. 

以前，我只想要平平淡淡的愛情

遇見他之後，我反而想要談一場轟轟烈烈的愛情 

說實在，我非常恐懼，害怕熱戀期過後那段磨合期和冷淡期

真的真的會怕

不過，這段轟轟烈烈的愛情背後，又跟中學時期的熱戀不一樣 

我們思想頗成熟，考慮到未來

想要一起携手到老

但，基於太多太多因素，我們不敢斷定一切

那個夜晚，

你，

握著我的手，

跟我説了很多關於你的想法，

還有爲什麽到這個時候才牽起我的手。

我，

覺得訝異， 

你對自己實在太沒自信，

同時，

也很欣慰， 

你鼓起最大的勇氣牽起我的手。 

QQ 

你説，

我很優秀，

你配不上，

你問，

我喜歡你什麽？

我，

一時答不出來。 

你，一笑而知。

後來，

我告訴你，

你説你沒有優點，你考慮一段感情中你可能無法付出太多，你之所以會有顧慮就證明這是你責任心存在。你問我喜歡你什麽，我説不出來不是因爲你沒有優點，我個人認爲喜歡給我的定義就是一種感覺，喜歡你對我好就只是這麽簡單，好像你貼心的動作我都有感受到也有被暖到啦。我不知道你是不是對所有人觀察入微，細心貼心，至少我感受到你對我的好就夠了，我不想錯過一個對我好的人。

我們說好會一起努力，

我正努力把自己變得更好，

你也是，要加油！

我不奢望你會有多浪漫多會製造驚喜，

我希望多年以后，

我不後悔，你也不後悔。 

<3 

君 

心情日記

10/29 六 

E.N.D.E.D

i have no idea 

when i began to emotionally controlled by a person 

which i know i should not care much.  

stop overthinking. 

he is not giving me a fuck about anything i did.

that's all. 

end of the story.

december 2015 - july 2016

Chapter 1 2016

First of all, my mind is totally complicated now.
I chose to write a THROWBACK SEMESTER.
It was the 4th sem in NTHU, i gained a lot, spent a lot, planned a lot, lost a lot, cried a lot, laughed(?) a lot...idk
I used to be a very very cheerful girl, knew it from my mum.
But i started to keep everything to myself, innerself.

okay..back to my throwback sem started from winter break.
Went back to my lovely hometown, Penang!
Thing changed a little... a least in my life.
He walked into my life secretly.
I felt a little excited to go back to uni, i swear this was first time ever, since this was also the first time don't need to grab a cab back to uni, and its cost me a lot!!!!
Fine.
4th sem, I went through the least credit hours in my life so far, and of course took part in lot of activities.
Had a great trip with NTHU MSA to tainan.
Experienced Kaoshiung and Tainan trip once again with 2 besties in TW.
Followed by few days friendly matches with NCTU MSA.
And OCSA sports competition.
We won first prize in badminton! yay..a lot of efforts paid to achieve this
Then, NTHU International Week.
From cooking, selling tickets, exhibitions...and him as the president of the event.
I knew quite a bit about all of those unpleasant stuff.
Gave my opinions...but sooner or later, I felt there were another one who was overtaking my place.
idk..
Went to huiyuan's graduation exhibition.
Stayed over at cousin's place for first time.
Visited CLBWO and Mr.Woon can recognized me. TT
Later on with Penghu's trip with OCSA. alright this trip was just one of my biggest mistake in this sem.

Yeaaaah...Seems overwhelming.
But this sem was a disaster for me.
Luckily, there was 2 friends stayed next to me are very kind.
They brought me a lot of laughter.
I can never forgot about how we threw garbage from 5th floor, rear 2 mouse in dorm, cooking in the middle of night, baking at night, scolding others.........

Experienced too much in this sem.
Like for the first time, I planned, a trip for 40 persons and 3 persons.
I organized the matches for the first time.
I successfully brought back frisbee to the others.
I started to play volleyball.
I involved in winning badminton match.
I cooked Hainanese Chicken Rice for first time and it had a great review and feedback.
I tried out how the feeling of being cheated like a fool.
I found out how importantly MSA is...especially when people not from your own country are involved.
I truly appreciated MSA seniors gave me a warm, homed-felt and a lot of fun in the 2 days penghu's trip.

I really miss those seniors.
Now.
Right now.
How i wish they could just stay for a few months longer.

It was them who taught me to be kind to everyone.
The coming semester is another challenge for me.
A new challenge.
Pray for me.

goodnight. xoxo

Chapter 1 2015

不懂哪來的動力，讓我從新想寫部落格。
已經停了那麽多年。。。
我想。。。可能是因爲有太多無法訴說的事情吧

2015年，第一章
來臺也快半年了，在清大也過一個學期了，第一個寒假也開始了
這不短不長的5個月，發生太多事情
一下子，寫不出summary啊
想想，這段期間，自己應該有長大吧，智慧就不知道有沒有
一個人在外面，最艱難的就是想家、生病、心情不好什麽的，都不能讓家人知道
總是一個人扛，一個人忍。。。
這是我的習慣，我不知道這對不對，可我就是不想讓家人擔心，因爲他們實在過度關心我了
我都設法不讓他們知道，當然他們也是
當我發現家裏發生很多事的時候，自己又幫不上忙，又要裝鎮定不讓他們擔心，又找不到人訴苦時，我真的憋得很苦很苦很累很想哭，憋得快崩潰了
但是，我又會告訴自己長大了，的學會面對、承擔一切事物
要堅强，不可以那麽輕易倒下，不管有多難，不可以讓人看到脆弱的一面


found out this on 13th july 2016.
hmm...things changed. mind don't.
decided to post it out.......